Release Date: October2025 Runtime: ~22 minutes Audio Format: Immersive fiction – comedy, Americana, absurdity Recommended Listening: Stereo headphones for best experience Episode Summary The Polyester Lounge turns into a battlefield of bottles when John (Dusty) and Fred (Farts) miss their blood-bus appointment and arrive hangry. One wrong swirl of ketchup ignites the Great Condiment War — a full-scale tabletop skirmish complete with sliding ramekins, tactical relish, and mustard militias. Hope narrates as Aria fights to keep the peace (and her sanity), while Fred invents a “scientific” rating system called the Z.E.S.T.Y. Scale — the Zero-Bias Estimation of a Sauce’s and Topping’s Yummyness. Ketchup becomes democracy, mustard becomes tyranny, and soy sauce sneaks in like a salty saboteur. By the end, the table’s a Jackson Pollock of sauces, the boys are humbled, and Aria walks away with new shoes — and no pie for them. It’s a sticky, salty, sweet-and-sour serving— proof that friendship can survive almost anything… except maybe honey mustard. Voices You’ll Hear • John (Dusty) – grizzled philosopher-soldier of the Mustard Militia • Fred (Farts) – sentimental ketchup loyalist and creator of the Z.E.S.T.Y. Scale • Aria – sarcastic waitress, part referee, part hostage to flavor • Hope – narrator and voice of reason in a war of condiments • Gigi – R-Word cameo, bringing harmonic punctuation to the chaos Sound Stage • The Polyester Lounge Booth #3 – clinking plates, squirting bottles, the sizzle of fries, and the rhythmic thump of plastic sliding across Formica. Sound & Style Immersive stereo layering brings each squirt and slide to life. Banjo licks, harmonica stings, and narrator asides create a fast-paced farce that feels part cooking show, part war documentary. Equal parts satire and slapstick, the episode closes with Hope’s warm moral about messy friendship and the price of no pie. For New Listeners Condiments Clash is best enjoyed after Episode 9 (Freudean Fouls) and Episode 10 (Jingle Jamboree), but stands strong on its own as a sauce-splattered masterclass in Dusty and Farts logic. If you like your comedy served extra crispy with a side of chaos, pull up a booth and pass the napkins. Credits Written, scored, and produced by Brian Clark — with screen-reader wizardry, a microphone, and a half-empty bottle of horseradish for inspiration. If you enjoy this episode, don’t forget to check out Brian’s other podcasts: Chatbot Chronicles and VoiceOver Tutorial — where the only thing thicker than the plot is the gravy.